Self Confidence - Or Lack Of

Have you ever noticed that when you are alone in your office - you know what it is you and your business do. You know how it works, what it helps others with and maybe even why you do it.

The problems start when it comes to articulating that to others.

Maybe it is networking..."So, what do you do...?"

Maybe it is social media.....what on earth are you going to talk about this week?

Maybe it is in the sales pitch you have to write for next week?

Often our mind just seems to shut up shop and eloquence goes out the window. You become clumsy and inarticulate. You fumble over your words and feel you sound like an idiot...which you are not! You are very good at what you do. It is just communicating that to others. You know, the ones you would love to sell to and serve.

The thing is, that if you cannot articulate it to others....you cannot make sales. And as people in business....we need those sales.

When I work with people there are various reasons for this. One of the main ones is confidence, or lack of.

Now, confidence is a strange thing. We all see it as something slightly different. But, we all know it would be good if we had a little more.

So, why when we go to talk about what we do, do we become rabbits in headlights?

It is because our brain is stressed out.

You see, our brain has one main job - keep you safe. And this is done according to a bunch of rules it has collected along the way, most of which you do not know exist. It is like playing a computer game when you do not know the rules. These rules are our fears and beliefs.

If our mind believes something is dangerous - it creates a threat response - also known as a stress response. Where our mind and body go into fight or flight mode. Do you know what does not happen in fight or flight mode.....confidence and articulate speaking.

So, what do our brains think is so terrifying about networking, social media or a sales pitch.....the answer is....lots.

Fear of being judged, fear of failing, fear of not being enough or good enough.....there are many.

Think about it this way. If your mind is terrified of being judged - because it believes this is dangerous.It will do what every it can to protect you from being judged.

Including avoiding situations where it can happen. You know....like networking, putting your self on the internet for the whole world to see, doing a sales pitch. All of which send us into threat mode where our bodies and minds respond accordingly with a fight or flight response. This does not make you feel or look confident.

What can we do about it?

Long Term - Well to really get it sorted doing the deep work is best - finding out what the fear or belief is, working through it to remove it and replace it with a confident belief. This is the kind of work I do 1-2-1.

Short term - here are some tips for an 'in the moment' calm your mind and nervous system fixes:

1 - Tummy breathe. Just focus on breathing from your tummy. Not faster than usual, not deeper. This means you focus on something else and calm your nervous system down.

2 - Watch your favourite comedian do some jokes on your phone. This is a great distraction and when you laugh you counter the stress reaction.

3 - Move your body. Your body produces adrenalin when you are stressed. This is to prepare your body to fight or run away. We can use it up by moving about. Walking, jumping jacks. Stretches. What ever works for you. This will help you feel calmer.

Try these out next time you pick up the phone for a sales call or are walking into a networking event. See how they make you feel. My guess is if you are like my clients - you will feel calmer, and more confident.

Another thing that will help-

Sometimes it helps having a script to be able to say. Or, maybe just a few lines that tell the story of your business. One that is powerful and full of meaning. I can help with that too. I am co-hosting a one day retreat on the 12th February where we will learn how to craft that story. Because, if you already have it...it is easier to verbalise your message on social media, networking or in a sales meeting. It helps you feel calmer and more confident too. Check out the retreats page for more details - https://mindtamers.co.uk/retreats.